Social Media, Jealousy, and Comparison: Staying Grounded In The Age of Disposable Content
Introduction
I’m about to make a bold statement:
Every person alive today is subject, directly and indirectly, to the whims of social media.
Yes, I’m aware that some people might not be online at all. Others are too young to know what social media is. However, some of us grew up alongside social media, and many of us grew up knowing how to use a cell phone or a tablet before we knew how to ride a bike. What started as an innocent way to share photos, post cute (albeit, limited) status updates, and communicate with people all over the world has morphed into a carefully crafted algorithm that I lovingly refer to as an echo chamber. As you use and interact with EVERYTHING that social media presents in front of you, it learns your habits. It learns what you like, what you don’t, and a well-guarded mathematical equation that tracks your every movement – even how long you pause to look at something online – learns how best to keep you entertained.
Why Social Media Is Important For A Band
When I grew up, the structure that surrounded pushing out a “Press Kit” included an entire day of my dad recruiting the help of my mom, brother, and myself. We’d take printed copies of the equivalent what now lives on our Electronic Press Kit page, and we’d stuff them into clear folders with a plastic binding that we would have to attach to the folder. After we assembled the folder, we’d take a CD, stuff it in an envelope, and then dad would hand-write the addresses on the envelope, or put them in a box. From there, he would either mail them out to prospective venues, or he would physically drive to the location, and drop one off.
These days, a social media account and a website have taken the place of manually-assembled press kits. It’s a massively important tool in the marketing arsenal of a musician. From there, you can post instant updates about your band, and you can drive your followers over to a website to check more information about you. While most of us would absolutely agree that this approach is easier, and 100% necessary in today’s marketing environment, content has become a disposable commodity that gets lost in the noise. It also gets very toxic very quickly.
I Took a Social Media Break
It’s October 2024 as I write this. In June, I had a heart-to-heart with myself, and I decided that my social media use was becoming all-consuming. Sometimes, the first thing I would do is log into Facebook to check on our band account. Or I’d catch myself in the comments section while people who have never met each other hurled insults at each other based on the current political season we’re all experiencing. I was noticing that every part of my day-to-day life was becoming negative. Bad moods, jealousy, comparison, and a general sense of unease had taken over, and I really didn’t know how to stop it.
Bye, Facebook – No More Doomscrolling!
So I deleted Facebook off my phone. I can’t claim credit for this approach. Somebody close to me had done the same thing the year before, and it planted a seed. I figured that if I removed the need to be connected all the time, maybe I’d find a little peace of mind. I worried for awhile that our social media engagement would take a hit, and I’ll admit that it took a lot for me to shift my perspective. I don’t have to check social media every day, or respond to a comment as soon as it comes in. Sure, the engagement might drop a little, but part of this year’s goal has been to look at this band as an entire experience, rather than a hustle. The result of dropping the app from my phone is that I am a lot happier, and I feel more fulfilled. I still hop on Facebook, but it’s a lot less often, and there’s usually a purpose. I don’t doomscroll anymore. Let’s take a look at some of the things that were contributing to my own departure from everyday use on social media.
Jealousy & Comparison
Okay, this part might be something that the marketing gurus call “showing vulnerability.” That sounds noble, but I promise you that there is nothing noble about it. I’m actually really ashamed to admit it, but I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t grapple with those feelings all the time. I speculate that most of us struggle with jealousy and comparison. I do feel that it’s necessary to say this, though: while I have absolutely struggled with feeling jealous, I would never take those feelings and act upon them. I have heard a number of stories, one that hits especially close to home, of other musicians trying to sabotage opportunities for bands that they’re jealous of, and that’s unacceptable. It shouldn’t even have to be said, but it unfortunately does happen.
It’s Personal
Being in a band is a very personal experience for everyone involved. It’s a time commitment, and you have to work really hard if you want to make it work. You’ve got to deal with the marketing, which is a bear. There’s promo, photography, videography, outreach and booking, merch to think about – and that’s all on top of practicing your instrument and putting on a show that is interesting to watch. If you’re in this to progress, you’re walking an uphill battle, and juggling becomes an art form. When you’re putting that much effort into something, it’s really easy to wrap your own self-worth into whether the whole thing succeeds or fails.
Social Medias Highlights Amplify Insecurities
Where social media ties into this lies in watching other bands succeed while yours doesn’t seem to be progressing at the same rate. When you log into Facebook and you see a really awesome post about a band that you’re following getting booked at shows that you REALLY wanted to play, it can feel like a blow to your own self-worth. You struggle. On the one hand, you’re happy for the band that got a great opportunity. On the other hand, you’re really bummed that it isn’t you. Does any of this sound familiar to you musicians out there reading this? That’s how I was operating – from a place of insecurity.
It took a long time, and it’s still an active process for me, to remember that everybody is on a different journey. Those bands got into those great venues because they worked really hard, made the contacts, and earned their place. I might be seeing a highlight post from the results of a years-long effort on the part of those bands trying to get booked at great venues, but I didn’t see the internal struggle that took place in order to get into their position. That internal journey matters just as much as the end result that I’m seeing.
A Springboard for Comparison
Where I went wrong for so long was to take the jealousy, and then use it as a comparison model. “This band got into a show I really wanted to play, so they must be so much better than us.” That’s such a dangerous thought process. Sometimes we have a tendency to take “better” and use it as a replacement for “different.” Comparing apples to oranges does nothing but induce misguided negative feelings.
Comparing the Wrong Things and Embracing Our Differences
Our band, specifically, is not a country or a Top 40 band, so it really makes no sense to compare ourselves to bands that market themselves as such. While we’re not afraid to choose a popular song (personal goal = finish learning the solo to Sweet Home Alabama), we usually opt for upbeat songs that people forgot they remembered. We go into alternative songs, funk, some undefined, rock, pop, etc. Nothing is off-limits. Almost seven years in, I think we’ve come a LONG way, but if you heard the songs in the first setlist we ever played, you’ll agree that we’ve been a lab of science experiments since the beginning. Maybe that slowed us down. Maybe it didn’t. The point is, we’re learning, evolving, and carving out a space for ourselves that doesn’t fit the mold, and we’re embracing what makes us different.
We’re not a costume-changing tribute show, we don’t play all country hits, and we don’t play “Shut Up and Dance.” No shade – I dance like a freak when I hear a band play that song, and I’m not throwing shade at bands that do this. Those are all very successful routes for cover bands. What we DO have are five members that play an instrument whose sounds are equally important in the mix. We have a very real, live show complete with tube amps, and a robust sound with personalities that are just awkward enough to be lovable. Who we are, and our approach, makes us different, and I think that’s a selling point. That’s not comparison – it’s an honest look at who we are, and I am happy with what we’ve leaned into.
Having a “Why”
Some people will openly admit that they’re doing this for the fame and recognition. I respect that, but I disagree. As a kid, I used to fantasize about being a rock star. Now that I’m a little older, I like to say that I’d like to be well-known enough to be able to book shows regularly, but unknown enough to go to the grocery store without an entourage.
Fame and Recognition Are Not The End Goal
If the benchmark is fame, most of us are going to be incredibly disappointed. I think the benchmark should be personal progress. It should be about connecting with the people that are at your shows, and genuinely caring about the people that took time out of their lives to come see you play. It should be about balance, staying well, and having a fulfilling experience doing something that you love.
Developing Musicianship
On a personal level, I’d like to be a better musician. At this current stage in my musicianship, I can play rhythm guitar fairly well, and I obviously can sing. I’ve also been trying to play lead – a painstakingly long process that progresses in pieces, and I’m nowhere near where I would like to be. In order to become the musician that I want to be in 5 years, the work has to go in now. It’s an active process to turn off the outside world and sit down to practice new skills, write new songs, and immerse myself in the learning process.
Defining Your Reasons Drives Your Actions
When I hone into the why, I feel like a more well-rounded person. I feel as though I’m running a marathon, and not a sprint. For so long, I had these feelings that we weren’t going far enough, fast enough. That mindset is unfair to myself, the band members that pour themselves into the effort, and the bands that I’m comparing myself to. The result was that I applying the same expected outcome to two different journeys and processes. Everybody has different skillsets that they bring to the table. Some have already spent decades building up contacts before they even start a new band. We started this with no contacts, no experience, and no roadmap, with the exception of my dad’s experiences that helped us until he passed away. Again, apples to oranges. When you shift your perspective to focus on the journey, rather than being obsessed with the destination, you become more clear about what you need to do to achieve the goals that you set for yourself and for your band without feeling like it’s a competition.
Conclusion
Progress is subjective. It’s not a cookie-cutter roadmap for anybody. It’s so easy to watch what other people are doing, and then turn that into a reason why you’re less-than. I want to challenge anybody reading this to try to look at your own journey from a different perspective. Decide what sets you apart rather than worrying about how well somebody else is doing. I promise that if you dig into your own insecurities and use that to move your own needle, you’re going to see the fruits of that labor. It’s okay to not be involved in every single moment that social media presents to you. In fact, I think that it’s healthy to step away and prioritize yourself if you’re dealing with any of the same feelings that I’ve laid out. Define your “why,” and enjoy the process. The shows will come. You’ll meet your goals. Those that want to follow with you and walk with you on your journey will do so. Look at your process as a whole journey, and I think, like me, you might find the results to be more fulfilling. Stay healthy and happy out there, and keep rockin’!
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Chase excellence, build a camaraderie like no other and remain outcome agnostic. I was spared social media exposure for the better part of my life. It’s ideal for capturing memories and promoting events, but I’d much rather devote my time and energy to sharing a lived experience at your shows. Thank you for the quality entertainment!